Her name I have changed, so I shall call her Evangeline. She is a real person and I knew her when I worked at a local restaurant, before I met The Steward and before I was given my two precious babies. Evangeline was a sweet young woman, reserved, but with a cheerful attitude. She was a good employee and was kind to everyone. I do not know if she believed in God, but she was a "good person." I enjoyed her company and we would sometimes talk of God, or relationships, or our thoughts on various topics.
One day she came to work in low spirits, quiet and brooding. I let her be, not wanting to barge in on her unspoken desire for space, but also because I was too shy and it was easier to not speak. In retrospect, this was the beginning of things I wish I had done differently. Later on that day, I was working alongside her, cleaning up in a slow spell, when I asked her if anything was wrong. It burst out of her, with something akin to a sob - she was pregnant. It wasn't planned. It was utterly unwelcome - her boyfriend was furious and whatever her reasons, she wasn't sure she wanted this either. My first reaction was of joy - a baby! - but as it became evident that this pregnancy and all the ramifications were crushing, rather than enlivening her, I subdued my response. I do not think it was the most helpful to her in the place she was, but I quietly expressed my happiness at the prospect of new life. There are so many things I wish I had said - something to truly encourage her. She was very unhappy and had something of the attitude of a wild animal, trapped and desperately seeking means of freedom.
Evangeline, the once-dependable employee, started missing shifts. I only saw her a few times in the week or two following her news, and I regret to say that I was too cowardly and shy to reach out. She was hurting, I could see it, and I did next to nothing. I regret it to this day.
One day she came in to work and I worked up the courage to ask her how she was doing. I'll never forget her eyes - her once cheerful self was gone and only a dull emptiness remained. Her eyes made sense when she opened her mouth: she had aborted the baby. I was grieved and shocked, but I managed to say "I'm sorry." I cannot remember if I gave her a hug. She left working at the restaurant soon after, and I did not get to speak with her again.
Evangeline and her child been on my mind from time to time. I wonder the what-if's: what if there was something I could have said that would have helped change her mind, if I had been bold enough to open the dialogue? What if there was an encouragement or resource I could have given her that would have galvanized a resolve to keep the gift she'd been given? What if ...what if I had even offered to adopt the child if she would carry it to term? The memory of my inaction and the loss of that baby is a grief and a spur to me.
I know that abortion is a prevalent thing in our culture. We can become so inured to the general idea of it that it is no longer the murder of a child. Well, actually, some pro-choice advocates say as much. They do not deny the personhood of the child, what they do deny is that the rights of that child to life is not as important as their rights. This year marks the fortieth year since Roe v. Wade established women's right to abortion in our country. Do not let this year slip by: do not lose heart, be bold and be emboldened to take a stand and do something. Pray. Help out at a crisis pregnancy center. If God brings a newly-pregnant woman into your path, open your mouth and speak words of life! Do not sit on your hands, cowardly because of fear of rejection or dejected because of fear of failure. Have faith, be bold, and trust that God will move.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go. - Joshua 1:9
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